my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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