Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
