Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
