Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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