mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
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in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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