I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
