So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
