hotel room ftw
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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