gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
