we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize