he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
