Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
