I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
MIDGETS
????
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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