There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
