I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You just made me feel so damn special
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
