I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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