I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
