And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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