My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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