I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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