I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
