yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
