So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
