Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
