your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
