I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
