After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
17 year olds will be the death of me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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