Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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