recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
