i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
