How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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