Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
