I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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