mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
