i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
