just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
