He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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