Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
