Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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