so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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