i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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