Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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