At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
