let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
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id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
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But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.