I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life