I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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