Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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