i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
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The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer