sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?