I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
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If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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