dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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