Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
