In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
