Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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