We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
