Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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