What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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