How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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