Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
