You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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