you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
