You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
